All that remains

The bird is tucked hard up into the corner of my house, and I know straight away it is dead, murdered by a night-wandering cat. I reach down, and gently pick it up, nestling its feather-weight in my hand, as the tears begin to fall.

It is evening, and I hear tapping outside the window. I quietly open the window, as the setting sun streams into my house, dust motes floating on the cooling air. It is then I see it, camouflaged against the stones, a baby thrush searching for snails under the pittosporums. I throw a tiny piece of bread, a peace offering, my cat securely locked inside.

I am re-reading What Remains, the debut novel by Aussie writer, academic and international traveller, Denise Leith. A love story interspersed with war and conflict and the unimaginable things that we humans do to each other in the name of race or creed or politics. It is strangely compelling and deeply disturbing. Last time, I read the stories with distance, my own troubles seemingly large. This time … this time, I understand more, I step back and see the big picture. It is unpalatable, upsetting, overwhelmingly tragic. I feel powerless.



I am 22 or 23, a Masters student at university. My supervisor yells at her kids while we are talking on the phone. My view of her as a developmental psychologist spirals as I wonder how she aligns theory and practice. Her reality is the opposite of another lecturer, a mentor, a friend. He invites us to his home, tranquil and bright, the fields around Hamilton a lush green in my memory.

He introduces us to PPK and PGK, and I am instantly intrigued. This resonates, long before we have Google or Facebook or Reddit or TikTok. PPK - personal practical knowledge - the lessons we learn from our own lives - these are our stories, our histories. How to navigate families, nurturing love and coping with loss, growing our self-confidence and self-esteem and self-discipline. These are the stuff of PPK.

The contrast with PGK - public general knowledge - is huge, a body of knowledge hypothesised and theorised and tested and proven. Its results are replicable and valid and reliable. Information that is generally and widely known and accepted as true. The jargon from my university days come flooding back as I sit at my dining table, thinking of the thrush and the novel I am reading. I see the author has carefully woven PPK and PGK together, the story both hers and now mine.

I wrap the baby thrush in a paper shroud, and fasten it with a celadon green tie. It is all that remains.



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