What will help me change my mind?

I’ve woken early, and before I let the cat into our room, I lie there wondering. What would make me change my mind? There’s a message from a connection on LinkedIn, asking me to join him for a Zoom. Not another person persuading me to buy something I don’t want or need, I moan silently to myself. But I pause: there’s something about the message that resonates, that piques my interest.

The cat is in. She stands on my hair, paws my pillow, and purrs loudly. She’s a creature of habit, and 4:30 is time to get up and moving. Other habits – the way she eats her food, responds to toddlers, snuggles in at night - are a part of who she is, this ball of fluff who chose us nearly 17 years ago.

Like her, I’m a creature of habit. Coffee (hot and sweet) and toast (homemade nut butter), Wordle (share it with my friend), before the day begins proper. But sitting here this morning, I wonder what it would take to change my mind, to persuade me to try something different. Do I listen to reason, or am I swayed by emotion? Do I need evidence, or am I happy to give something a go?

At work, I’m overtalked, people eager to share their views, reluctant to hear mine. Just listen, I beg.  Our habits are hard to overcome, often unconscious and deeply held. It’s exhausting to examine everything we do, to revisit the words we use, the mannerisms we display to the world. Sit on your hands, close your mouth, just observe for a minute. Mindful being: easy to say, hard to do. I'm going to give it a go.




Caitlin Dougherty takes me through the bone chapels in Portugal – the charnels – the architecture incredible and fascinating and macabre. She is a self-confessed “death positive” person, talking freely about the impermanence of life on earth. At the Capela dos Ossos, the words of Padre António da Ascenção* drift through the scorching Mediterranean air:

Where are you going in such a hurry, traveller?
Pause...do not advance your travel.
You have no greater concern,
Than this one: that on which you focus your sight.

Recall how many have passed from this world,
Reflect on your similar end.
There is good reason to do so;
If only all did the same.

Ponder, you so influenced by fate,
Among the many concerns of the world,
So little do you reflect on death.

If by chance you glance at this place,
Stop ... for the sake of your journey,
The longer you pause, the further on your journey you will be.

(*translated by Carlos A. Martins)

“Change thyself” is written on the whiteboard in my sometimes office. Today, I will erase it and all the other tasks and ideas that ebb and flow around it. Today, I’ll replace it with new words:

"What will help me change my mind?"




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